sesam.hu

Engineering Manager / Trail Runner / Budapest, Hungary

Amusing

Today there was a birthday celebration for one of my friends. The 25th SPAR Marathon is tomorrow, for which I have started training a couple of months ago. There are several movies playing right now that I’d like to watch such as Inception or the new Resident Evil: Afterlife. I learned on Facebook that there is a World Press Photo exhibition in Budapest. Epica has a gig here on October 2, also some time later in Vienna. And so on and so forth, I could add another dozen things.

Well, I’ll be taking part in none of these due to a complete lack of income.

Harsh reality aside it seems amusing that not much seem to have changed since 8 years ago when I wrote my first post.

Dreams

The things I have been dreaming about lately are quite unsettling. I blame the exams, and everything else that has been happening. Of course I haven’t been this stressed out before, when tests and exams meant a lot less, when I started off from a strong base and I had confidence. Nowadays the stakes are a lot higher and everything matters considerably more and I find myself doing worse and worse.

I don’t sleep too well either. I wake up at completely off times, then I get sleepy in the middle of the day. Also the little I know about dreams is that you’re not supposed to remember them: only if you wake up in the middle of your sleep can you remember what they were about.

A few nights ago I was parking expensive cars and we were contemplating with my family – who weren’t my real family but more like the Cullens from Twilight – how to fit the cars best in the very small place available. At least this one had a Japanese connotation: parking here usually means squeezing cars into the smallest gaps imaginable.

But then just recently I walked into a white building in my dream where the noted blogger Angelday sat at a table with the prominent Hungarian TV show host Friderikusz. I started talking to them when I realised they were doing a webcast reporting a tennis match. Then the dream shifted and they were in my home in my father’s study. I thought then that it can’t be any worse than dreaming about people from the freaking internet…

Finally today I was a seal. And I gave birth to a baby seal. Then we were discussing with my seal friends that this is a very bad season to have your first baby seal, because the weather’s been so cold and we were lucky if we survived. I woke up realising I kicked my blanket off and my shoulder hurt. (I had my left arm squeezed under me one night and it’s been hurting ever since.)

Now, can it get any weirder?

Just do it

Sounds easy? Most of the things I find myself postponing. Yeah I’ll do this and that tomorrow. Just one more day of not doing it. Exactly like in Ekaterina’s post. There are times when I feel full of energy and positive thoughts only to find myself sink back to lethargy the next hour crushed by my seemingly insurmountable problems.

I’d want to wake up early, refreshed from a good night’s sleep. Have the time to make breakfast (in a proper kitchen), an omelet with bacon for example. Then I’d go to class, which I’d have in English. It’d be a small group class where we wouldn’t notice the passing of time because the topic is both exciting and challenging.

After my classes I’d go running, which would fill me with endorphins. In the evening I’d either spend time with Nora or we’d go out with friends to watch a movie or have some beers at Happy Time. On the odd day I’d raid with pvc. If I decided to stay home I’d catch up with the latest TV Shows on my iMac or read a book I definitely had money to buy while sipping on a glass of Chianti.

I’d reply my emails on time. I’d be prepared for my exams. I’d realise my ideas rather than just ruminating over them.

So what prevents me from just doing it?