SeSam.hu

SeSam is Péter Szilágyi, Engineering Manager at Ustream, residing in Budapest, Hungary. This is his playground.

emo declaration

I really feel bad. I think I would need some sympathy now, which I really don’t get. Yes, this is again all about the stealing. People keep telling me that it is a sad thing indeed, but you should forget it, just look around, there are many things happening in the world that are much worse than that. For example there is a war in Iraq where people lose their homes and relatives not mp3 players. What they forget is that the mp3 player belonged to me while the homes didn’t. I don’t care about others. Why should I as others don’t seem to care about me.

There were times when I was pretty much ok. Like yesterday I really enjoyed the AIESEC sleepover we held. It was fun, and for a short time I forgot the sorrow and had a good time. But when I needed to buy a new recharger for my phone the waves of sadness came again. I couldn’t buy an original one but a made-in-china crap recharger only. From now on every time I take a look at that bloody charger this whole fuss will come to my mind in an instant. The mere thought of this made me feel like I wanted to kick and demolish everything fragile that happened to be in my way on the way home. Of course I didn’t do anything. A sane man doesn’t destroy anything. Neither cries he.

On AO I told the story on the organisation’s chat and a guy told me that he thinks dorms suck and on the first day he went to university all his towels were stolen. I had a great intention to kick him at that moment. My god, towels… I had a very expensive machine stolen not a couple of textile rectangles! Of course he wanted to comfort me in a way but no one above a certain financial status can understand that I have no – and I mean no – chance of buying an mp3 player again in a year. Or in two. Or a thousand.

See? All I can do is to be rude to people who want to help (though they don’t seem to understand). It is certainly not the thing to do but then what is? I cannot forget what happened, I cannot live it down. I so much wanted someone to hug me and say it’s ok. And fuck manliness… I now don’t care about the world. Tell me I am uncool, tell me anything you want I do need sympathy.